Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Paranoia of the Gluten-free.

So, I'm on a message board where an innocuous-seeming thread was posted.   "How do you chop up your eggs for egg salad?"

One of the answers was genius, but also paranoia-inducing.  A pastry cutter.

AUGH!  Gluten! Nooooooooo.

It is the little ways that gluten can creep into a meal.   The baking powder where someone has used a measuring spoon in the flour, and then dipped in to the can.   Or just rinsed something off after using it for a gluten product.   Or multi-taskers.

And some things you can clean adequately.   And some things you cannot.

I went to a restaurant where they deep-fried the baked potato to warm it up.  In the same fryer with breaded fried things.

It isn't worth it to go out and eat.  To go to people's houses and eat.

Gluten is an evil, evil, insidious substance to those of us who avoid it.

It limits my life so much.

I have not dated, in part because of it.

I'm an adventurous eater, but not when it involves gluten.

And man, I HATE sounding like Meg Ryan when I order.   And I hate that that stereotype exists enough that everyone knows exactly which character I mean.  

I'm not picky, I'm paranoid.  

I just hate that I have to read every single label, every single time.  Cheese, bread, chips, coffee, tea (yes, herbal tea can have gluten)

I hate that in a shared home, I feel like I have to have my own kitchen.  I hide my gluten-free cutting boards in a closet.   I have notes and sharpie over various jars "gluten-free" "Do NOT TOUCH" "use clean knife only".  If someone reaches into a gluteny snack and then into my bag of chips, you just glutened me.

Most of the time, I don't say anything, if I see a transgression.  I just avoid the food.  Or throw it out.


I do comment on boards and things with a hey! great idea, but!  One friend, on FB has banned me from "glutening" up his threads for a month, though.

I just wish this was easier.   Because I feel like a pariah.  But I cannot turn off the voices in my head.